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Tuesday, 27 January 2009


  • So life has been everything but calm this past week. Fights are going on everywhere, people trying to start drama for no reason, and the stress of a new semester at school is killing me. My mind can't seem to slow down and think about what it is making me happy and where i need to be going but i am hoping that in time whatever is suppose to come out all this chaos will and that i will be nothing short of happy. But im going to let time take its place and we'll see how it all goes. School is going greaat.. i love my new classes i have this semester except for my U.S. History class i have in which the teacher is old and doesn't write notes on the board or anything, he just sits in a chair and talks of events that occured and he never stops to tell us key points that we need to write down or anything.. ugh. im trying so hard to understand everything but i can't possibly do so unless i have good notes to read off of and i can't take good notes because he doesn't give us any or allow us time to write down anything. ugh. other then that everything is good with school, i am hoping to pass all my classes with high grades so that i can transfer to a university and get scholarships unlike what i did when i first started college.

    im going to try this quote/picture thing out, let me know if you have any advice or feedback.




    I'll screw up, I'll push you away if we're getting too close.
    I won't trust you until you've proven yourself. I won't
    cry over the stupid things. I'll laugh until I cry.
    I'll be anything but you, and always me.



    I want to feel something real. I want to be
    intoxicated by someone's very presence.
    I want the butterflies and mixed feelings.
    I want confusion. I want the mood swings.
    I just want to feel.




    Life's a series of pull backs and forths. You want to do
    one thing,  but you're bound to do something else.
    Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't.
    You take certain things for granted,
    even when you know you should never take
    anything for granted.




    How many times can I break 'till I shatter?
    Over the line, can't define what I'm after.
    I always turn the car around.




    In a way I need a change from this burnout scene
    Another time, another town, another everything
    But it's always back to you.




    I make mistakes.
    That's what I do.
    I speak without thinking. I act without knowing.
    I drink so much that I can barely walk.
    I'm a fantastic lover though, & an amazing friend.
    God knows I mean well.




    You can't quit until you try.
    You can't live until you die.
    You can't learn to tell the truth
    until you learn to lie.
    You can't breathe until you choke.
    You gotta laugh when you're the joke.




    There are just certain things in life
    that are better off unknown. Things you
    wish you never asked, never saw, never
    heard, & sometimes never even felt.





    so you turn up the music
    and try to block out the screams
    you try to ignore your heart
    as it crumbles and bleeds
    the pain is too much
    you can't take it anymore
    and everytime you turn up the volume
    you scream a little more






    I will disappoint you.
    I am everything I wish I wasn't and nothing I say I am,
    I don't deserve the love I already know you'll give me.
    I'm a wasting clock, ticking away;
    timeless, priceless, perfect imperfection.
    Waste your life, waste your goals;
    throw it all away to be the one thing you hate.
    I'm everything, I'm nothing;
    I'm hideous, I'm beautiful;
    I'm a terrible friend, I am your best friend;
    I am a liar, I am honesty;
    I am cruelty, I am kindness;
    I am hate, I am love;
    I am a pathetic existence.
    But when you walk into my life, you won't see that.
    I will laugh and smile, and be everything that you think I am;
    Everything I can never understand.
    I'll be everything to you.
    I'll be the stars, the magic,
    the dream come true in your eyes.
    I'll be your blonde haired, petite, porcelain skinned doll.
    I'll be the perfect someone that you'll never know.
    But when you blink, I'll be gone.
    I am a memory






    There's some things I regret, some words I
    wish had gone unsaid, some starts that had some
    bitter endings .There's some mistakes that I have
    made, some chances I just threw away, some roads
    I never should've taken, some pages turned, some
    bridges burned, but there were lessons learned.




    she's a disaster.
    she loses faith in herself everyday.
    her life is a mess and she doesn't care.
    no one understands her.
    and people say things to put her down
    and no one notices she could be breaking inside.
    maybe it's that she needs a hug from someone
    or maybe someone to sit next to her and listen to her.
    maybe that's all she needs.





    What a brave little girl ;;
    instead of adding to the drama like everyone else,
    she decided to be different and not burden
    the rest of the population with her problems.
    She knows that in this world,
    she's going to have to save herself.




    Dressing like a doll and swearing like a sailor.




    she feels weaker every morning;
    physically, mentally, and emotionally.
    the funny thing is, nobody can tell.
    it's because she hides it so well.


  • decision

    i think i have decided to start putting quotes/ pictures with my entries.
    they will mostly be made up of quotes and pictures but will still have personal stuff in them as well.
    i will be doing all kinds of quotes and pictures that inspire me or that i simply like.

    my first post will be here shortly.
    thank you :)

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

  • help?

    so my life is one big mass of chaos in which i can't seem to figure out how to fix.

    i quit the job i had for 3 years right before summer started because of a lot of drama that ended up starting,
    it was the best job; i could go when i wanted, got paid lotts, worked with good people, and it was an office job.
    now i need to find a new job but there is just nothing i really wanna do

    i have fallen into this state of laziness and i can't seem to get myself out.

    school is going horribly as well.
    its as if i never go anymore in which is a repetition of what i did my last year of high school.

    i so wanna be the person who can get up in the mornings and make it to class on time, do all her assignments and turn them in, study for her tests and ace them.
    but no matter how much i tell myself i want to be that person im not showing any kind of will to do that.


    its as if ive fallen into a state of not caring at all about anything anymore and i hate it.
    everyone always looks up to me because im so strong and i always have the 'i dont care' attitude about stuff such as boys and drama but what they dont see is that that attitude has developed into me not caring about a thing in which is hurting me badly because all i do is sit at home or go out when there are plenty of more important things i should be doing at least just through the week.




    anybody have any suggestions?
    that'd be great.

Wednesday, 01 October 2008

  • october 1, 2008

    today has not been the most exciting day.
    after almost over sleeping, i woke up and couldnt actually wake up for the longest!
    while driving to school i realized exactly to what extreme i was still asleep.
    i made it through my art appreciation class pretty good.. that is my favorite class so i tend to try and pay attention as much as possible when im in there.
    my comp 1 is another story..
    i really dislike that class just because its all the same exact stuff i did last year as a senior in high school.
    not only that, but my teacher tends to treat us as if we're elementary school kids instead of college kids.
    i am suppose to be in my math class right now but i have come to the conclusion that i am dropping that class only due to the fact that my teacher does not know how to teach it and i cant pick up on it at all. so i am going to wait til next semester to pick it back up when i dont have such a load already.

    now i am sitting in the library attempting to study and do my homework, waiting on dakota to get out of class so we can go get some coffee :)

    hopefully the coffee will make me wake up sometime soon and i can actually get some things accomplished.

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

xvntagebeautyx

  • Visit xvntagebeautyx's Xanga Site
    • Name: Alex
    • Birthday: 10/9/1989
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/30/2008

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About Me

  • alexx is what im called. i am a freshman at chatty state where i have not yet figured out what my major is. im certain you'll never have a clue about me. i tend to be the crazy one around and i simply don't give a fuck. i have been through alot & its only taught me life lessons. My heart is taken and patiently waiting. i care alot less then i probably should about things. You'll either like me or you'll hate me but either way it really doesnt matter to me. ive been through my ups and downs and id be no where now without going through them. I have people that i keep around because without them id be lost. my family will always be my number one priority no matter what. motocross, soccer, and street bikes are the things that make me happiest. you'll more then likely either see me at the drag strip or the motocross track on a weekend. i like to have my fun but i know when to end it too. i live too fast for my own good & i will never slow down for anyone. i live my life the way i choose to

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